Brain: nnnnnggggggggeeeeuuuuuuuhhh
I just ended a pretty grueling semester of school. Grueling in the grad school sense, as in, I was forced to devote up to 20 hours a week to school, and ONLY got three weeks off from class from the end of January until now. It’s a pace I simply can’t keep up with.
The last three weeks, though, have been pretty strenuous - but only because I waited until the last minute, as usual. Can people change? Will I ever get my shit together? If I spent more time on my work I could probably produce something pretty fucking good. But instead I have to sit on the Internet and download embarrassing songs, drink wine, eat lightly salted kettle chips and generally act like a child who sees their freedom from supervision as an excuse to indulge their every desire.
ANYWAY… I love questionnaires. These are gleaned from various sources (Pitchfork - heh, Vanity Fair, etc.) and smushed together to paint a portrait of… me.
Favorite Songs from the Past Year
I can’t even think of a song that’s come out in the past year that I liked enough to note. I like that Panda Bear song ‘Bros’. ‘Steady As She Goes’ by Shellac. It’s not that I don’t want to listen to new music, just that nothing has really jumped out at me recently. There’s enough old stuff to focus on anyway. Oh, I like this band called Vivian Girls from New York, I’ve only head a few of their songs but they sound GOOD, girl. ‘Back In Your Head’ by Tegan and Sara is pretty good - I like the lyrics. All their songs sound so similar, and I used to hate them, but I’ve softened a bit, generally.
Favorite Older Songs at the Moment
Ooh, now we’re talkin!
Prince - Erotic City
The Damned - Smash It Up
Pylon - Danger
Everclear - Summerland (this song rules, and anyone who disagrees can bite my ass)
Replacements - Rock N Roll Ghost. This is from Don’t Tell A Soul, the second to last Mats album. My boyfriend* has a tape of it in his car, and I enjoy mocking him for this. However, he forced me to listen to this song, and once I stopped being an asshole I realized it’s really, really beautiful. One thing that’s so appealing about (early) Replacements is all the stupid, youthful energy and imagery - gettin drunk, falling over, having a crush on the girl who works at the convenience store. This song is about PW feeling like life has passed him by, he’s nothing but an old drunk, he can’t get away with these antics anymore, but that’s all he’s known since he was basically a kid. And he was probably like, 29 when he wrote it! It’s a tearjerker. Speaking of other tearjerking Replacements songs - Sixteen Blue. Holy shit. Bob Stinson’s guitar makes me cry sometimes, for real.
Favorite New Aritst
I have no idea. I’ll go with Vivian Girls even though they are largely unknown to me.
Favorite Song Ever
I love Here It Comes by The Stone Roses. It probably changed my musical course completely.
Best Recent Concert
The only two concerts I’ve been to in the past year are The Fall and Dead Meadow. The Fall was just OK. Their new band is a bunch of bald dudes in baggy jeans with the guitars up at their nipples. Uh. The Americans were way better. At Dead Meadow I got really high and freaked out for about half an hour. It was really crowded and we were sitting down and I couldn’t see anything, I didn’t have a drink, and I started thinking about how hot and high I was and I was having all these horrible visions… people I love dying in car crashes and stuff. Ugh! The band was pretty boring, too. I’ve heard this complaint somewhere before - not about DM but about some other stoner-lite band - that they’re not heavy enough to play as slowly as they do. Their jams are not “all that,” if you know what I’m saying, and I think you do. Really, I can’t remember the last time I enjoyed myself at a concert. I don’t like live music very much.
Last Great Film I Saw
No Country For Old Men was THE SHIT! Man, it was so badass. Actually, I think that was the last film I saw at all. Like I said, I’m pretty inert.
Last Great Book I Read
I read The Stranger for the first time last October and I really enjoyed it.
Favorite Piece of Musical Equipment
I don’t know how to play anything - have a bass that I can mess around on, and my boyfriend** gave me a guitar a couple of Christmases ago that I proceeded not to play, much to his chagrin, because I was immobilized by anxiety and depression about moving to a different country and could barely get through a day without crying (usually at my desk at work!), let alone learn how to play guitar! HAHAHAHAHA!
Favorite Record Shop
Reckless Records on Broadway in Chicago. I’ve been going there for years. It holds a lot of memories for me - and they have a great selection. It reminds me of what that neighborhood used to be (or how I like to fantasize that it used to be.)
Best Purchase of the Past Year
I spend my money on inordinate amounts of crap. Eventually the best thing I will have bought will be my masters degree.
Best Thing I Did This Year
Went to Paris for the first time and managed to get by with my mostly high-school French, wore tight clothing and ate luxurious meals.
Favorite Venue
Hummm… the Empty Bottle in Chicago is pretty good. Again, live music, eh.
Favorite TV Show at the Moment
My favorite one that I’ve picked up in England is Coronation Street. Locally produced, slow-moving, mostly banal storylines. It’s the shit!
Favorite Video Game at the Moment
I generally could not give less of a shit about video games.
Favorite Radio Show
On my computer, I’m usually streaming Chicago Public Radio, WOXY, WOXY Vintage or, less often, WFMU. I listen to NPR compulsively even though I find it mostly obnoxious. I like Sound Opinions and Car Talk though. I used to listen to Loveline a lot. The Big Beat with Marty Lennartz on XRT in Chicago is good. There’s a show on WFMU where this lady plays a bunch of garage rock… that one’s pretty good. And I used to like Blues Before Sunrise on CPR before they canceled it!!! What the heck?! Oh, I weep for you, BBS. 88.7 in Chicago is an excellent local station that is listenable 98% of the time.
My Ringtone
Vibrate, always. I hate being that asshole.
What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Talking and laughing with people I love - being able to forget about my problems for even a short amount of time.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Rutherford B. Hayes
Which living person do you most admire?
People who get on with their lives and don’t complain. People who think in broad terms and who think of implications.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Laziness and insecurity.
What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Selfishness.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Food n booze n clothes
What is your favorite journey?
Usually the outward leg of a road trip, even a short one, going wherever.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Controlling one’s emotions.
On what occasion do you lie?
When the truth would cause more harm than good and when it’s inconsequential.
Which living person do you most despise?
I despise people who have no regard for the humanity of others, whether it’s people who treat waiters and waitresses like shit or politicians who let people suffer in poverty and hunger. Politics and artifcial divisions are what makes this world a depressing place.
What is your greatest regret?
When I think about it, I don’t really have any. Everything has happened for a reason, and the truly horrible things that have happened were out of my control. I was going to say moving to England, but I hope that it will ultimately turn out as something positive.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Ha… I don’t want to pin that on a person yet, so I’ll say my cat Izzy, who I’ve had for 15 and a half years and who I love very, very much. She made me love animals and helped me learn how to take care of a living thing.
When and where were you happiest?
I loved Saturday nights as a kid - my dad would be working, and my mom, my sister and I would stay home, eat junk food and watch Golden Girls and Sisters and other crappy shows and my mom would let me and Nikki put makeup on her. Or winter nights when I was younger - my mom would be cooking dinner, the windows would be fogged up, my dad would be watching TV and I would flit between his room and the kitchen, feeling very safe and secure.
Which talent would you most like to have?
Play de guitar.
What is your current state of mind?
Hopeful.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I would get rid of the low self-esteem. I think everything else would take care of itself after that.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Getting through college after my dad passed away.
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
I’m not sure where I stand on reincarnation, though it is a very cool idea. I’d like to be a cat, but who wouldn’t? Whenever I used to have a big project to do for school or something, I would wistfully look at Izzy sleeping on the radiator and wish I could switch places with her. My best friend admitted that she used to think this about her cats as well.
If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
Oh… right. Still a cat. What would I be? If karma is involved, probably something very middling, to reflect my incredibly middling self right now. I don’t know if being a human is a blessing or a punishment.
What is your most treasured possession?
A ring my dad gave me… very little monetary value, but you know.
Where would you like to live?
Ooh, Paris would be nice, if I was heavily monied. Same goes for San Francisco. I like New York but I don’t think it’s for me. I also have some sort of anonymous Southern ranch house that I imagine living in, with willow trees and a lot of haze outside. I would be driving a pick up truck and my husband would be creatively inclined. I’ll have to go on some road trips to find this place.
What is your most marked characteristic?
Physical, maybe my eyes. Personality-wise, I’m sure 9 out of 10 people who know me would say sarcasm.
What do you most value in your friends?
Humor, openness, compassion, and knowing that they’ll be there for me no matter where they physically are.
Who are your favorite writers?
I really need to read more. I prefer non-fiction but I like Irvine Welsh, Carson McCullers and Gabriel Garcia-Marquez.
Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
I don’t have one.
Who are your heroes in real life?
I don’t know that I have any of those either. The closest would be my mom and dad. I feel like your hero has to be someone whose situation has been similar to your own at some point. Creatively, Joel Hodgson from Mystery Science Theater 3000 is original and uncompromising and, most importantly, hilarious. And he’s from Wisconsin!
What is it that you most dislike?
Animal cruelty. The absence of a cure for cancer.
How would you like to die?
No matter what I die of, I hope I’m not alone.
What is your motto?
I’ll do it tomorrow.
…
Christ, I’m depressing!
*Or whatever.
**Ibid.